1 year 5 months and 12 days

I love Dennis Enrique Vazquez! 

12/28 day 53

loving you has brought me to a place in my life where everything seems perfect. you have showered me with light on my darkest days and without you in my life i would be living in misery, always questioning myself. what if i had done this, or what if i had done that. would things have been different, better maybe? i know that before i met you, i was perfectly fine, but now that i’ve been shown how great life can be, i would never want to experience it any other way. when im with you, everything is just better. you are my drug, the one person who can make me forget about whatever else is going on and block out the negativity. i have been through so much in my life, felt abandoned, forgotten. things which led to me believe that i couldnt let myself fall because in the end, no one would be there to catch me. but you have proven, numerous times that you wont let that happen. when we first met there were so many things about you that intrigued me. you werent like anyone else. you were respectful. never tried to take advantage of me, no matter what state of mind i was in. the way we could just be together, just talk, yet i awaited coming home just to do it again. from the begining you have never let me down, and i trust that until the day god takes us from this earth, you will continue to catch me every time.

1 year, 1 month, 24 days and still counting!

12/27 day 52

its been a while since i posted anything to you because i just found that what i was writing to you threw posts was pretty much the same as what i was writing in your letters. then today i looked at my old posts and realized they are like my journal. something for you to look at when you get out and see how i felt each day, or what i did. and i feel like this will show you how much i do for you and how much i care for you, and that no matter how many days i go without hearing your voice or seeing your face im still here, counting down the days, one by one till you are in my presence again.

 ive begun to find other things to keep my mind off of the pain that i go threw each and everyday that you are gone. i rarely hear your voice anymore yet from the time i wake up till the time i find myself with you in my dreams you are what occupies my mind. i am just thankful that i have found someone in this world who can listen to me go on and on about you and be there to listen. whether it has annoyed them or not, they have never complained, and i only hope that i can be there for them as much as they are here for me at this point. i feel like no matter what is going on with me any given day, i can just start talking about you and happiness over takes me. you are my heaven on earth, the being that brought my dreams to reality, and for that i am so greatful. So many things have changed since you left. some for the better, some for the worst but yet threw everything i know what truely matters to me, and thats you. no matter what happens in the world around us you are here, and here you remain. i have no doubt in that. we have overcome so much together, and we will continue to surpass any obstacles thrown our way. you are my one, my only, and everthing that i could never live without.

i love you

11:03:08

11/26 day 21

HAPPY THANKSGIVING BABY! i woke up crying this morning because all i could think about is the fact that everyone should be with the people they love on holidays, especially this one, and your not. you probably got nasty food, and it was just another day for you. i am so thankful for you babe. everything that we have been threw and all our memories are what keep me going each day. without you in my life there are alot of things that i would have gotten into. you have helped me realize the possibilities i have in life and you are what pushes me to do good. i want you to be proud of me all the time, you are the reason i study for tests and try to keep my grades up. right now its hard to study because all i can think of is the fact that YOU are the one who always helped me study, and no one can do it the way you did. i wont let any one else study with me, that is OUR thing. i am just ready for you to come home so you can help me and we can be together again.

i love you

11:03:08

11/25 day 20

tomorrow is thanksgiving and we wont be together. i miss you. i know that i shouldnt let this get to me but it does. so much. ive been making stuff for our room. when you get out its going to be a surprise. i really wish i could get a letter from you or something. i know that i wont get one at least not until friday, maybe. honestly i just want to get the application to come see you so that i can fill it out and come see you for christmas.  i am so excited about getting to hug and kiss you when i come see you. now that your in prison i can actually sit infront of you and ill get 2 whole hours with you instead of just 15 minutes. even though we cant talk, i will never forget about you. i promise baby. you are so important to me and you just need to stay strong for the both of us.

i love you

11:03:08

11/24 day 19

baby i miss you so much. its been an entire week since we have talked at all. i wish there was a way that i could see you or talk to you. i gave your mom your plates today. she actually said gracias. :] haha. it was wierd honestly. for her to actually be nice for once. damn babe. i hope i get a letter from you soon. i want to atleast know that your okay. well this thursday will be our second thanksgiving. the second of many. i started working on the scrap book again today. i havent worked on it in a week up until today. i wish that you could find some way to call but i know its a fat chance. im going to try and set up a thing so you can call me but if i cant, then im sorry. well im bout to go back to christianas. i miss you and think about you constantly.

i love you

11:03:08

11/23 day 18

this afternoon i called the prison to talk to your case worker so i could get an application, and was told that you have been transferred again. then i called back later to see if they knew where you had been transferred to only to find out that you are still there!? what the fuck. do they not know how to check that shit. whatever. so tomorrow i will be calling to talk to your case worker and getting them to send me the application. if they tell me you got transferred again im going to fucking flip! anyways i really hope you are doing good. i got a letter in the mail today telling me that you are in there for initial processing and you will be getting transferred to another facility soon. hopefully it will be really soon cause im hoping you get moved to a closer prison so i can see you more often. the last time we talked you told me that when you got moved if you didnt write to please not forget about you. i think about you constantly babe. you are always on my mind. never let the thought of me leaving overtake you. you are stressing over the wrong things. you should be worried about getting out soon, doing whatever it takes. i miss you babe and hope i will see you soon.

i love you

11:03:08

11/22 day 17

ugh! one whole week now. an entire week of not seeing your face. the face that woke me up every morning the face that would comfort me and make me laugh when ever a smile came across it. last night as i was falling asleep i swear i could feel your arm around me like it used to be as we fell asleep, and it was all i could do not to cry. i miss that. i miss the protection i felt in your arms. feeling like no matter what, no harm could come to me in your arms. but now i have no protection, nor do i have the warmth of your body against mine on cold nights. all i have is the blankets you left me, which will never compare to you. and i cant even come see you whenever i want, i have to wait till you send me some stupid ass application which will take thirty days to process before i can come and see you. all i can hope is that you are okay, and staying out of trouble. i better not ever have to put up with this again. i can no longer say that you never broke my heart cause every day that im away from you my heart is breaking. babe you mean so much to me and i will never let you go, but i wish i didnt have to do this.

i love you

11:03:08

11/21 day 16

today is the first saturday in our relationship that i will not see you. i have not seen you in six days which up until now was not normal. even since you have been locked up i still came and saw you every weekend saturday and sunday. and now you are so far away that i dont even know when i will see you again. hopefully you will get the letters i sent you soon so that you can write back. your letters are what keeps me going. i made a countdown thing, well one fore the weeks and one for the days. so as of right now there are 349 days left and 50 weeks left. whatever they will go by quick. hopefully. i can only find so many things to do to keep me occupied. im tired of having to rely on everyone else to keep me smiling. its just not fair, but as parents always say neither is life so i guess we all just have to get used to it someday. i hope you can find a way to call soon, cause tuesday will be one whole week since i have even talked to you.

i love you

11:03:08

11/20 day 15

you did get moved, not only did you get moved but you are now five hours away from me near the mountains. ugh. it sucks cause i wont be seeing you for a long time now. it hurts but i understand its what we have to do. in two more weeks we will be done with one whole month, and we will only have 11 to go, if you dont get out any earlier than you should. i wrote you a letter and stuck it in the mailbox today, hopefully you will get it soon, then you can write me back. i love getting letters and seeing your handwriting. i know i have said it before but its the truth. i will never get tired of the letters, nor will i ever give up on us just because i cant see you. we have to both be strong. i miss you sugar monkey!

i love you

11:03:08

11/19 day 14 

i think you got moved tonight. i waited for your call and it never came, so i called and they said you were no longer there. i miss you so much, and to think, now i cant see you this weekend and i wont see you for a while. i wish you would have stayed there longer but at the same time, this makes me feel like everything is starting to get going… tomorrow will be two weeks since you have been gone. and now that i think about it they went by pretty fast i guess. but i still wish that you could be here in my arms.

i love you

11:03:08

11/18 day 13

your supposed to be calling any minute now and i cant wait! i wait all day just to hear your voice when i know your going to call, and when your not going to call, i hold my breath till the day that you can. god i miss hearing your voice. i honestly dont think you realize how much you mean to me. today Mr Gorman asked about you, i was actually surprised. its wierd when people ask me how im doing or if i miss you. its complicated, i can put on such a front like im okay with it, or that it doesnt hurt, but it does. and i miss you with all my heart duhh! i hate seeing couples that are so happy together, or when i see couples that we know fight. i just wish that they could realize that they never know what could happen, and that that person could be taken from them at any moment, so they should take the time they have for granted. once your out we are taking a million pictures cause i will be scrap booking every major part of our lives. haha. that way when our future kids grow up we can show them how happy we were from the begining and how nothing could break us. i care about you so much, and i know its hard for both of us but just stay strong. just like you couldnt do this without me, i couldnt do it without you.

i love you

11:03:08

11/17 day 12

i just hung up the phone with you. im always so excited for you to call, but then as soon as i realize we cant be on the phone as long as we want, and i will be forced to hang up with you after 15 minutes it all hits me. i cry hysterically and it just kills me. this friday will be two weeks. which means there are two weeks down and fifty more to go. i realized that counting the weeks goes by alot quicker than counting it down day by day. even when you say it,

1.) 12 days down 353 days left to do

2.) 2 weeks down 50 to go

it sounds like alot less time. i cant wait for you to be back in my arms, FOR GOOD. no one will ever take you from me again after this. i know that you are sorry for putting me threw this babe, you dont have to apologize anymore. in a year this will all be in the past and we will be working toward our “perfect” future together. i love you and will ALWAYS be here. no matter what we are put threw, so stop calling and asking me everytime we see eachother if im going to hold you down and be strong for you and stick with you threw this. its unquestionable. nothing can break the hold your heart has on mine. im bout to go take a shower and go to bed babe. i cant wait to talk to you again tomorrow night!

i love you

11:03:08

11/16 day 11

im in fourth period doing some project thing where we are writing a letter to either Obama, the mayor of our city, or our principal on issues we have about anything relating to them. im so bored. i cant wait to go home so i can see if you wrote babe. school goes by much faster now. its 3:22 already and i only have 8 minutes left before its all over. then i can go to christianas and do homework, :/ and i have to study for a test that i have to make up since i wasnt here when the class took it, i was at court with you. but i would have rather been at court with you till the last second then to have let you leave without me being there. i have to stay after school tomorrow to take another test too. i keep thinking about how little time you really have. its actually not that long, when i first heard a year, i was so upset, but now that i see the days flying by, i know i can handle it. well im bout to go cause class is over. miss you and cant wait to hear from you.

i love you

11:03:08